is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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