oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
