At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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