Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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