I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
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The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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