I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
