Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
