Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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