:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
