made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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