she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
