Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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