I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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