Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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