Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
