I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize