I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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