So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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