I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
