having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
