well I can't set my house on fire every night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
