I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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