This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
