i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
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