sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
