So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
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You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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