I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i came on her dog
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
