apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
