Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
