Your tits are I can't wait for
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
