can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
