you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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