I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
