he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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