Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
