I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
