I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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