I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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