they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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