Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
