Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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