the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he fucked my hip out of place.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
