how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
