Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Im part way to drunk.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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