Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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