ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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