I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
