He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i need an iv and a liver transplant
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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