I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
