connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am available for nakedness
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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