Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
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Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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