Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
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Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
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he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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