he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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