i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
