You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
