i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize