went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
