If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
