Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Green mimosas i think yes
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
