with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
