I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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