i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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