If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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