Nicole vs. Life
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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