in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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