I'm so fucking centered right now
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
