I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
