You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
