Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
