i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
