but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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