He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
