headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
