glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Drunk is not a location!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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