if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
