Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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