I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
a search helicopter?!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
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Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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