My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
