the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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