Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
