Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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