Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
