he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
