Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
