dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
