I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think your dad took our porno
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
