oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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