I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
