A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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